guide

I just came back from a trip to Panchmarhi with my family. As we reached Jatashankar, an aged man in a kurta pyjama came up and commented upon the weather. He just joined us and started talking about the place to my father. It was only after sometime that he introduced himself as a guide. He was the weirdest kind of person. He just kept on talking and the fact that we did not want to listen had no effect on him. When we would say something, he would simply tell us to keep quiet and listen. “After this, we are going to have a test on the history of jatashankar”, I muttered. He completely irritated my mother who was having a pain in her knee and wanted to get to the hotel quickly lest it rained. But our honorable guide shut up only when he was done. I suppose I would have to give him credit for what he was… a man who knew his job.
This experience left me wondering what it would be like if I were a guide? What if other people I knew were guides? The answers I got were quite interesting…
Myself: I will like my job and the people. I would ask more questions from them than the information I will give. Mind it, I might lose sense of navigation and end up on the wrong route with a wrong story. If they are not furious, they would admit that they had fun!!
Lil sis: First of all she would select her tourists who are neat and tidy. She would be quite sophisticated. Also, she would be making a lot of money because she would be guiding the maximum no of people in the minimum time.
Roomie: She would guide the tourists slowly but correctly and quickly go away to participate in a quiz or catch up her favorite T.V. program. She might even pick up the latest fashion or an interesting story from the tourists and then we could discuss about it…
The southern mountain princess: She would call the tourists at 2 p.m. and start getting ready at 12 noon. But yes she would manage to be on time.
Goddess: she will at first fix a time of meeting her tourists and be really angry if they don’t turn up on time. It would be difficult for the tourists to shut her up and she would be giving the most information amongst all her fellow guides.
NDA symbol: he would ask the tourists that if they knew they had cancer, would they be spending their time like this?? The tourists would take off while he would pass his time by humming his favorite song on the guitar. Nevertheless, he would stick to his job.
Blueey: He would turn up on time but then he would prove to the people that all this that they are seeing is not real and nothing is absolute. But the tourists will be duly entertained by one of his great songs. Whether the song is real is still in question.
Seaharry: he would ask the tourists that whether all that can be known should be known!
Then he would go on to make a whole speech about it and keep on repeating the question till they are both confused and astounded. To top it all, he would even extract big bucks and applause out of them for all this!
Fatte king: he would prepare whole heartedly for his speech and write it down while listening to some rock song. He would add extra “special” information about it that he claims that only he knows… and the tourists might have difficulty in catching up with his fast speech. He might even be on the lookout for a cute one to be his gf.
The Great Bhopu Laughter Challenge: he would explain to the tourists with his unique style of waving his hands to and fro that all this is farjiaap. Then he would go on and have lunch with them and the tourists will have a great time learning about the new cuisines and tasty food available in the area.

Lovely leaf: she would surprise the tourists with her ingenuity. But then she would get an offer from Microsoft and she would leave her present job and go to hadduland.
Violin rap with a ‘u’: he would sit cross-legged and explain about the whole area with the help of a map he drew himself. Then he would encourage the people to go on their own while he thinks and thinks of improvements in his map.
The taste of India: he would roam around the whole area and do some researches on its archaeology and history. Then he would publish a paper and post it on orkut profile. For all its worth, he might even win a prize for his work.
P.S. If anyone is seeking to kick me, I have gone off on a vacation to Hawaii!! With due apologies……
Ciao…. J